someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
