So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
