did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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