; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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