i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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