you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
