I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
