Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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