we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
