The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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