P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
