you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
