I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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