i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
