Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
