now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
