My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
