I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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