So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
