i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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