I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
