I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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