My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
another moral hangover. fuck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
