Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
