Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
