if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
