i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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