4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
