rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
