As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
