Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
