Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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