I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
