omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
