when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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