Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
