Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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