Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A+ Viking dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
