Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
