He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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