So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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