please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
