I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
