he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize