I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize