i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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