why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Holy sore nipples Batman
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
