so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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