i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
