Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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