you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
