My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
