I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
