Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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