Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
