If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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