in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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