I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
