Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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