so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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