Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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