No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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