remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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