I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
