I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
