and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you didnt know i had herpes?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
