How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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