Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
