Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
