ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
