so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
