i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
