I'm so fucking centered right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
