btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
